The End of What Once Was
I think my work speaks for itself when it comes to attempting to hold space for honoring all parts of myself.
I am a social worker. I am a mental health advocate. I am a writer. I am a blogger. I am also a Black woman creative with a host of ideas on the brain.
What is most pleasurable about finding my identity in all of those titles, hobbies, avenues, and within the process of juggling a career path that allows me to engage with my multifaceted desires is the lane I have created for myself to simply be present with all I am and who I am. What does not always feel great about this process is the shedding of old layers and dreams. The continuous refinement of what my future looks like through the lens of confusion, displacement and uncertainty feels heavy and inconvenient at a time when certainty is what I have been clinging on to for so long.
When I was growing up, I fused myself with this idea that I had to be just one thing. I could only hold and do one job at a time because that is what was perceived as doable and manageable. I had to choose one career path that would be sustainable for my entire life trajectory despite what may come and go depending on the season. I became attached to the belief that I had to master skills associated with being successful at that one career and that was it. That is what made people successful.
As an adult, I still value and appreciate the formula for career success shared with me at an early age and for the amount of time it served me. However, I am learning that staying married to only one career dream I have for myself is no longer ideal. Ironically, that belief alone is no longer sustainable. I am currently in the midst of living and dreaming in my mid-twenties while choosing to navigate my career journey in a new way that feels uncomfortable. Holding space for a new way of thinking and believing leaves me with no choice but to allow the ingrained vision and idea I had about my career to perish.
Still, I’m grateful for these teachable moments.
Here is my testimony and here is where my story gets better: I would not be where I am right now without the information I fused with early on. Truth is, none of us would. There IS beauty in the process of unlearning and being the facilitator of spaces for ourselves to give old ideas, perspectives, and beliefs rest — once and for all.
There often is a negative connotation associated with death and loss. The unfolding of this process, for me, has left me feeling uncomfortable, perplexed, confused, hopeful, and curious about the future and what the next chapter of my lifelong journey looks like. The death and dying of old belief patterns and values related to my career have propelled me to begin exploring what feels fulfilling to me, starting with writing this piece and sharing a portion of my story with the curious world.
But I also feel led to share some very personable words that I heard recently from Melissa Kimble, and she says:
“There will always be something that does not work so that something else can work”.
That ‘something’ is that new thing festering in my heart after some loss, grief and discovering. That ‘something’ is my purpose that has been needing some nurturing. That ‘something’ is the vision that is meant to take form at this time. That ‘something’ is what is meant to happen.
That ‘something’ and my destiny.
